Trump to Offer Green Cards to Canadians and Brits

Once Donald Trump becomes President he will be deporting millions of illegal aliens. He plans on replacing them with white folks from Canada and Great Britain.

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Many Canadians head south for winter vacations, now they can stay all year

Deporting millions of illegal American Mexicans and Muslims will leave a vacuum of workers in certain sectors of the U.S. economy. Picking fruits and vegetables, gardening,

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Most Canadians speak French they will want manual jobs

working in kitchens, these people provided cheap labor that Americans won’t provide.

  Millions of Canadians will be offered Green Cards and Jobs

The thought is that most of this work is done in the warm southern states and California so Canadians will do the work in exchange for skipping winter. They also will get paid in US currency which is worth more than Canadian money. The British can avoid the foggy rainy weather and having good dentists will be an added benefit.

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Deporting unwanted minorities will create vacancies in jobs Americans won’t do

A trump team insider stated “Canadians don’t use guns so the stats for gun use will go down positively without having to change any regulations. There is also an issue in these states where minorities are now outnumbering the majority. This is nonsensical  mathematically so a few million Canadian folks will hugely fix this”.

They expect to start giving out the Green cards in time for the spring planting with millions in place by fall harvest. Tim Horton’s is already seeking franchisees in the southern states.

 

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Montreal Pit bull ban – Anglophones fear they are next!

The recent Montreal Pit bull ban has created fears in the English community that they will be next to go.

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The ambiguous details of the ban could be used against people

The ban outlines specific terrier breeds and anyone with similar characteristics.

The visual identification of Pit bulls has historically been: “They are labeled as “pit bulls” if they have certain physical characteristics such as a square shaped head or bulky body type.”

This is in line with the common view of Square Headed Anglos – Tête carrée!

The law is enforced by a team related to the mayor who are capture, deport or euthanize offending dogs. Their initial focus will be on  square headed dogs in public, specifically those with homeless people. However they can search private homes as they choose to capture the dogs.

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The term pit bull is often used loosely to describe dogs with similar physical characteristics, and the morphological (physical) variation amongst “bully breed” dogs makes it difficult for anyone, even experts, to visually identify them as distinct from “non-pit bulls”

Square Headed Anglophones don’t fit the cool image of Montreal

In criminal science it is known that bad behavior against animals indicates future behavior against people. So once all square headed dogs are eliminated it is feared they will target the square headed Anglophones.

This falls in line with the plans for Montréal’s 375th anniversary party in 2017. Anglos don’t have the cool image they want to project so they are looking for ways to keep them out of the celebrations. One of the planners stated “If we were putting up a bunch of statues or putting tacky lights on bridge they might be okay to have around, but  we want to have a cool celebration so they won’t fit in. The quicker we rid the city of all square heads the better”. 

Sarah Silverman Fired from Trump Team

Sarah Silverman an expert at racism, sexism, religion and social media was appointed as President Elect Trump’s Press Secretary, then almost immediately dropped after her first official tweet.

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Fans of Silverman Hope she used a Government phone for her official Tweet

Silverman released 1 official tweet and then was pulled from her position under Trump. There is no official word on what happened but speculation is rampant.

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Insiders say calling Trump pussy would have gone to far – implying he often groped himself without consent

“Silverman’s appointment was a big mistake” says one Trump insider “We had evaluated every CEO trump knew and they all came up short. Not one had a secretary or intern who could fit a Presidential Press release into a 140 character tweet.” They were stumped.

No one suspected she actually was one of them she hides it well

 “Then Donald told us to hire “Silverman”.” It wasn’t until after we hired Sarah that Ivanka explained he meant his retired golfing buddy @Silver_man1944.”

Fox News Reported that the issue was about religion. “They knew she was Jewish but they thought it meant she was like a Jew – you know Jew-ish. No one suspected she actually was one of them. She never seems to be obsessed with money, she really hides it well.” They said.

The Fox pundits agreed “It was clear she had to go – The cabinet is perfectly balanced with rich, older, businessmen. Adding a woman from a foreign religious group would have annoyed them.”

 Unlike Trump, Millennials have a thing for older women

CNN reports that Trump hired Silverman because of her support during the election. He loved her speech at the DNC telling Democrats they were being ridiculous.

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Silverman Leading an “Aunty Trump” Rally

Leading the whole “Aunty Trump” movement was another Trump like. Unlike Trump, Millennials have a thing for older women.  If their mother’s hot, cool, hip, sister tells them to change their vote they will.

The hugest reason for the appointment though, was when Silverman compared Trump to Hitler. Trump has stated privately that his political style is based on Hitler, and if they ever met they would have a huge Bromance. He has was touched that she saw how close Trump and Hitler really are.

Sources close to Trump say he could not live with the tweet stating: “tweeting at night is terrifically unprofessional and should never ever be done.

Also like my wife said in her amazingly original speech “Our culture has gotten too mean and too rough” It‘s just not acceptable to call someone big, fat and smelly even if they are a cunt.“ So I called Sarah and explained that: effective immediately she will be asked to step down from her position as Press Secretary on my governing team and will no longer be working for us.

 

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If Trump is the Orange Anus could Silverman’s Tweet be announcing that Trump is the first Trans American President?

Those close to Silverman say she never aware of Trumps proposition. The timing coincided with her launching new social media platform – StarTwit.

Similar to the Uber and AirBNB concepts, stars with humongous twitter followings can rent their account to normal people. Rent by the day, hour, even by the tweet and experience feeling that you are the center of the universe. Silverman said she came up with the idea stating “If Twitter isn’t bothering to make money on tweets then I might as well.”

 Could StarTwit kick off a social media rental boom?

Celebrities, Professional Athletes and politicians are hugely excited about StarTwit.  Many have had issues where their twitter accounts were “hacked” and controversial tweets were released. Now they have an excuse and don’t have to keep changing their password.

Silverman’s press agent would not speak on the record about the details. They just commented “We all know that Sarah is constantly doing things that are funny but she would never do something this funny.”trump

Silverman herself is not available to comment on the kerfuffle as she is currently on a private script writing retreat.    She is working on a script with the working title:

Orange Anus or Big Fat Smelly Cunt – Inside story of the President of the Hole World….    

 

 

Police Raid Montreal Pot Stores-Will There be Protests?

 Montreal police raided city’s new pot outlets and made arrests, while shoppers stood idly by. Could this be the end of public protests?

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Shoppers braved the cold for a chance to shop in a new pot stores, could this help ignite protests?

In the spring of 2012 every day, thousands of people with pot in hand would flood into downtown streets in protest. It stopped suddenly and 4 years later seems a distant memory.  There hasn’t been a pot protest since.

This week things changed when 6 pot stores opened in Montreal with the goal of open sales to all. Within 24hrs Police had closed the pot stores down and made arrests.

Police raided Pot stores within 24 hours of opening

Although pot use is common and accepted among Canadians, Police in this city don’t tolerate open sales. With every loud and aggressive pot protest in 2012 Police made thousands in overtime pay. So it is surprising that they shut down pot stores now making future protests challenging.

With this crackdown on the pot supply will we ever see protests in the city again? Makes us ask: can millennials have a pot free protest?

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Take away the pot and do you still have a motivated protester?

Quebec Government Selling New MUHC Super Hospital

 The Quebec government is looking to cut its losses and sell Montreal’s new super hospital.

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The Super Hospital concept became obsolete became obsolete with the Sars outbreak in the early 2000s

The Montreal Super Hospital has been plagued with operational problems, budget shortfalls and long wait times, from the start. This week they received an offer from a Quebec billionaire to buy the hospital and run it properly.

 While the sale comes as a surprise for  Montreal residents, it seems it is not a surprise for Hospital staff.

Hospital Management explained the reason for the sale:

“Montreal needs to understand, the goal was to have a profitable construction project – it just happened to be a super hospital.” “There were never plans to take care of sick people here, they just started showing up.”

“We don’t have an emergency room here, but they keep showing up.”

“We have no parking or handicap access here, and they still keep showing up.” “If selling the hospital is what it takes to keep patients away then we will do it.”   

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Porter closely managed construction cost overruns to generate the mega project’s ongoing stream of kickbacks 

Construction insiders admitted they were not surprised at the sale either: “This hospital mega project ruined construction in Quebec. ”

“Before, politicians and builders made huge profits on roads and bridges. They could be used maintenance free until they fall apart a few years later and no one cared.”  

 “This mega hospital was different. The project managers like Porter didn’t budget for the usual cost overruns. We always skim 35% of the total – including our contracted profit – same as the government charging sales tax on GST.”

 “Porter’s team didn’t include it so he came up short on his cut. That’s his problem. The guys I work with always get paid – if you know what I mean”

 “Problem is Porter took his cut from the long term operating budgets – nurse’s salaries – things like that.  How do you expect to hide that?”  

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Potential new  owners were surprised that their offer was even considered.

  Government planners are excited about the sale. “This is a cash windfall we weren’t expecting.”

“Although we want to keep the money we will likely put it back into healthcare, mainly smaller community hospitals. This doesn’t provide big kickbacks like construction but it makes the hospitals nicer for patients in their long waits.”

 “We will hire more managers to oversee this spending, and if they aren’t too busy may even hire some Doctors.”

The Government is expected to finalize the sale quickly and privately. “We have a solid offer for the purchase with someone who knows how to work the government so we can trust he will make a good offer.”  READ ABOUT THE BUYER>

“We know that the end value of a government building in Quebec is much less than construction costs. So if we can sell for at least 40% of the construction cost we would be proud.”

Quebec’s newest Billionaire – the king of Traffic Pylons!

  Transition from Traffic Cones to Pylons Allowed Government to Spend Millions More

New billionaire Pierre Gravel got his big break in 2007 when the Quebec government made snow tires mandatory. At the time Gravel was working for a Laval paving company.

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Renting Pylons Allows the Government to Keep Paying for Years

Relatives working in the government told him there would be a lot of extra used tires that the government wanted to get rid of. He came up with the idea using the tires to make orange pylons for road construction.

Montreal alone pays over $100 million / year for his Orange traffic cones

With the help of his relatives the government gave him millions of dollars to take the tires and build his first pylon factory. Before Gravel construction companies supplied their own traffic cones. as part of the job.  He was able to convince the government to switch to his large pylons and sign long term rental contracts.

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Pylons are stored on roads when not in use, even blocking lanes, but drivers don’t seem to mind.

He currently has over 225,000 rented in Montreal. Collecting $1 / day for rent plus management fees the city alone pays him over $100 million per year. “My timing was great” says Gravel, “as the government stopped paying for construction kickbacks they needed somewhere else to spend the money – my pylons were a great solution.” He added “I give them 3 options to spend: rent more pylons, I can raise the rent, or I can charge more in handling charges.” “The government doesn’t really care as long as they don’t have to cut their spending.”

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Gravel’s Business Model is getting the government to overspend on things they used to get for free

Seeking New Ways to Make Money from the Government

Now Gravel is using is new wealth to find other ways to profit from government shortcomings. These include the purchase of Montreal’s MUHC Super Hospital Read More> and the Trudeau Government’s Great Arctic Ice Wall project. Read More>

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Gravel and his team enjoy big government contracts

Dogs early adopters for Self Driving Cars

  Creative car companies find solving roadblocks can take on a life of their own

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They can build driver-less cars – but can they get rid of back seat drivers?

Bad drivers are one of the things people complain about most.  So companies are betting that we are angry enough about it that they can sell us cars we can’t drive ourselves.

You can take humans out of nature, but can you take out human nature?

Designers have solved many problems but a few unforeseen things have blindsided them including:

Problem: Driving without a  drivers license.

People can’t do it so why should a car get to? Politicians, bureaucrats, police no one asked them about driverless. When manufacturers tied to set up road tests they were told no. “You can’t drive a car without a license.” “it might drive perfectly, but it could be used for drive by shootings, drug deals or a robbery get away car without a driver who to we arrest?”  

Solution: International licenses

Those international travel licenses they give you online for $20. Seems they don’t do a lot of background checks on these but you can use them almost everywhere. Manufacturers got them for their test cars.

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Problem: testing the cars with live occupants

Manufacturing laws require thorough safety testing before humans can use the vehicles.

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Solution: Copy the early tests of space travel – Dogs.

Manufacturers found that dogs made great test passengers – except they always want their paws on the steering wheels.

Problem: Dog owners want cars for their pets

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Dogs love the freedom of the open road

Owners of test dogs quickly found their pets couldn’t wait to go for a ride in the car – they loved it. Many refused to do for their daily walks,  they only wanted to ride in the car.

Researchers discovered that for dogs the car ride was as beneficial  as a walk – even better as they could do it any time, not just when their owner wanted.

Like flies at a picnic -dogs made a bee line for every drive through on the route

New Problem:  Soon dogs were seen driving all over the test cities. They quickly sniffed out every local restaurant drive-through. The car would get them to the window alright, but how was a dog to place it’s order?

Drive up windows became jammed with cars in dogs looking for a snack and it looked like authorities were going to stop the tests.

Quick thinking by manufacturers came up with a solution. They supplied dog owners with a talking parrot who could order for the problem solved.

With the potential for thousands of cars being sold for dog use pet shops are scouring tropical counties for talking parrots – a boom for their poor economies.

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Parrots will need constant retraining as they will switch from barking out food orders to barking like the dogs

 

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Driver-less, Self Driving, Autonomous or Out of Control –  The Gold-Rush is on for Idiot Proof Cars. Read More>

 

Solving these initial problems opened up a huge new market for driverless cars but there will be many others to  resolve.

Next problem – Self driving Cars  verses  the Police

How do police pull over a self driving car? Who gets the ticket?  If a car is impounded do police have to read it it’s rights?

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Car Companies will avoid black cars – they get pulled over automatically